It is commonly assumed that Aspergers makes someone too difficult to be around, unable to get along with people, too narrowly focused on their own interests, and too stubborn, self-absorbed and lacking in empathy to be a contributing member of society, a view that is narrow in its own right and sadly mistaken in many cases. I want to find out about the persons significant relationships, whether they are friends, work colleagues, spouse or partner, children or anyone else with whom the person interacts regularly. neurodiverse counselling vancouver Cassandra Syndrome - What is it? How Do I Get Help? Book appointments online with Cassandra Richards, LMFT of Markleeville, CA. Relying on a spouses or friends report about how someone recognizes emotions is not always advisable since those reports are filtered through the spouse or friends own biases and their own ways of understanding emotions. The list of symptoms that sometimes occur with someone in a close relationship with an Autism Spectrum Disorder adult is too long to describe in this article, but several reactions are notable. Other professionals may take different steps but I have a clear-cut procedure that I go through when asked to assess Aspergers. Other reactions include persistent feelings of sadness, depression and anxiety, insomnia, isolation, and anger. First, I explain that certain characteristics are central to Aspergers syndrome. Granted, they dont live with him, yet how is it possible that the man she married and lives with appears so completely different from the man other people know? How would you know? Dealing with people suffering from AS can be challenging, which is why having the right source of information is necessary.. Typically, along with this discomfort is lack of eye contact and difficulty communicating effectively. Spouses with Asperger's can initially meet a need within the relationships and these traits can often be seen as attractive. The Empathizing-Systemizing Theory of Adult Autism Spectrum Disorder. Clear evidence that these characteristics are not caused by low intelligence or broad, across-the-board delays in overall development. Asperger Syndrome - A Love Story - Sarah Hendrickx 2007-06-15 Open, honest and upbeat, this book gives personal . People with Schizoid Personality Disorder (SPD) avoid social relationships and prefer to spend time alone. . For every successful Aspie-NT committed relationship, there are many others who are struggling, teetering, and on the brink of failing. Individuals with both conditions engage in repetitive behaviors and resist the thought of changing them. Sitting down and talking to someone makes the difference between an assessment of Aspergers that has a high degree of confidence and one that is questionable. It can be exciting to consider how ones life can change for the better knowing what one is dealing with. They are frequently deceitful and manipulative so as to obtain money, sex, power of some other form of personal profit or pleasure. These questions help me assess whether the persons attitudes towards life, conduct in relationships, and general success in achieving life goals reveal any of the characteristics that typically are found in people with Aspergers. They act immediately and have trouble waiting. In addition, people with SPD typically do not show these features until late adolescence or adulthood. I miss my best friends or family when we are apart for a long time. At one point, they will have extreme energy, be unusually happy, energetic, talkative, feel wonderful about themselves and on top of the world, have little need for sleep, be drawn to unimportant or irrelevant activities, and generally act unlike themselves. There are multiple topic areas, including in depth discussions for adults with Aspergers, dating, and social skills, but one thread I particularly appreciate is what's called the AS-NT Open Hotline. First, I highly recommend joining WrongPlanet, the free online community started by a young college student, Alex Plank. Along with these thoughts are repetitive behaviors or mental acts that the person feels driven to perform in order to reduce stress or to prevent something bad from happening. archiveofourown.org Recent statistics from the Centers for Disease. The answer is, yes. London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers. Second, in doing some research for this article, I found a site called Aspires: Climbing the Mountain Together. Lonely, hurt, angry, sad, misunderstood, isolated, desperate. They may have preferences for how they handle sensory input like music, touch, sounds, and visual sensations but generally the way they handle these situations is much like other adults. Here is a description of the psychiatric conditions most frequently associated with Aspergers: People with ADHD typically have difficulty paying attention to whats going on around them, they are easily distracted, they tend to do things without thinking about the results, they are often forgetful, have trouble finishing what they intended to do, are disorganized, jump from one activity to another, are restless and have poor social skills. Love and commitment to the relationship are necessary for a successful marriage but they are not enough. The only way to tell is to be around someone long enough to experience what they are like, to see how they respond in situations that test the features of Aspergers and ask the right kinds of questions to clarify whether they have those features. Aston, M. (2009). My ASD Child: Living with an Aspergers Spouse It is pointless to blame the other person. They also speak with a normal tone of voice and inflection. There has to be reduced sharing of interests and a lack of emotional give-and-take. Having said that, there are important differences between the two. Clear evidence that these characteristics are not caused by low intelligence or broad, across-the-board delays in overall development. AS individuals, because they have a hard time separating boundaries at times, may hear criticism of a family member (e.g. The difference is that people with Aspergers do not view these behaviors are unwelcomed. There is test yet developed that can be used to make a diagnosis of Aspergers, no instrument that measures Aspergers nor any procedure that can objectively sort out those with Aspergers from those without it. Cassandra Syndrome Many of these women have been purported to suffer from "Cassandra Syndrome," a term coined by psychologist Tony Atwood to refer to women who suspect their partners have Asperger's syndrome, but are disbelieved, thus suffering immense psychological and emotional distress in their search for help. The difference is that people with Aspergers do not view these behaviors are unwelcomed. How Psychologically Conditioned Rats Are Defusing Landmines, The Innate Intelligence Observed in the Dying Process. Adjusting ones expectations is crucial to the viability of the marriage. The answer lies in how much these characteristics affect the persons social, occupational or other important areas of functioning. Cassandra and the Aspie: Marriage and Asperger's Syndrome After all, you wouldnt go to the trouble of evaluating whether you have a broken foot if, in the first place, there is absolutely nothing wrong with your foot. The third and final meeting is a time to clarify questions that were not completely answered in the previous meetings, gather additional information and raise additional questions that have emerged from the information collected so far. Other professionals may take different steps but I have a clear-cut procedure that I go through when asked to assess Aspergers. In the workplace and in educational settings, a diagnosis of Aspergers can provide access to helpful resources and support that might otherwise not have been available. A new, and more accurate, understanding of the person can lead to appreciation and respect for what the person is coping with. A person with ASD may desire to be in a relationship but it is not the same priority it is for others. Specialties: Stress, Anxiety, Addictions, Self esteem, Career difficulties, Compassion fatigue, Relationship issues, Family conflicts, Trauma and abuse, Grief, Intimacy-related issues, Eating disorders, Sleeping disorders, Anger management, Bipolar disorder, Depression, Coping with life changes, ADHD I am a Licensed Clinical Therapist in Florida with over 5 years of experience working as a . If those characteristics are not present in the person then he or she doesnt have Aspergers and if they are present a diagnosis of Aspergers is much more viable. Knowing someone has Aspergers opens up avenues to resources for help as well as access to programs to improve social inclusion and emotional management. Completing one or more of these questionnaires can identify abilities, inclinations and behavior that could be indicative of Aspergers syndrome. It is often the case that a person seeking an evaluation does not have any documentation, formal or informal, that is relevant to the assessment process. They may be overly sensitive to one kind of sensation and avoid that persistently. When she asks for clarification or a little sympathy, he becomes defensive because he knows he has good intentions and he resents the pressure. They are the type of person that is others think of as the typical loner.. "Someone with Asperger's syndrome may actually perceive expressions of affection as aversive experiences, and a hug as an uncomfortable squeeze that restricts movement, and they can become. But I hope that you will find some beginning tips and tools to help you celebrate and thrive in your marriage. Presenting these findings is a multi-step process. . Divorce and Asperger Syndrome - Kathy J. Marshack, Ph.D. PostedJune 8, 2010 They can appear charming and talk with superficial ease, attempting to impress others and appear experts on numerous topics. Marriage with Asperger's Syndrome: 14 Practical Strategies Liane Holliday Willey is an educator, author and speaker. Focusing on one thing for a long time is hard for them. Cassandra Syndrome My husband has Asperger Syndrome ( AS), making us a Neurodiverse Couple. It helps when that evidence is available but it is not critical. They occur over a prolonged period as a result of violations and disregard of the spouse / partner who has Asperger's syndrome / ASD. PDF FAMILIES OF AFFECTED BY ASPERGER'S SYNDROME (FAAAS,Inc.) They show little remorse for the consequence of their actions and tend to be indifferent to the hurt they have caused others. Are you looking for a reference guide about Autism Spectrum Disorder in adults? Asperger's Syndrome: Management & Treatment - Cleveland Clinic How can you find out if you have Autism Spectrum Disorder? as someone living with Asperger's Syndrome, a mild form of autism, in an effort to help others with the disease learn to cope and thrive. Aspergers and Social Anxiety Disorder share the common element of discomfort in social situations. 15 tips for NT spouses | Asperger Partner They have a very restricted range of emotions, especially when communicating with others and appear to lack a desire for intimacy. Why go through with it if there is no good reason to assume there might be some likelihood of finding the behaviors and signs of Aspergers? Asperger + Neurotypical Marriage. Trying to help to find counseling or Their conversations have to be generally one-sided. They tend to be irritable and aggressive and to get into physical fights or commit acts of physical assault (including spousal or child beating). Some change may be possible, but the NT partner may need to adjust his/her expectation, and find other places for support without being unrealistic about what they expect from their AS partner. The reason is simple. An example is previous medical reports documenting signs of early language delays and/or peculiarities, coordination problems, behavioral difficulties or unusual physical problems. While this may strike some as similar to Aspergers people with SPD can interact with others normally, if they want to, and can get along with people. Genetic studies suggest the two disorders share genetic risk factors, and studies of the incidence and distribution of both conditions confirm that many people with Aspergers have symptoms of ADHD and vice versa. It only inflames existing resentments and increases resistance to change. Researcher Maxine Aston has described a bookend disorder to Alexithymia, which is the consequence of living with an emotionally stunted partner. The results might suggest that it makes sense to investigate further if enough criteria are present to indicate a diagnosis of Aspergers. People with Aspergers think through their actions more carefully. Having said that, there are important differences between the two. It can eliminate the worry that a person is severely mentally ill. I realize that I have only scratched the surface here. Your email address will not be published. Instead, their future will be filled with loneliness and alienation from others with no expectation of improvement. Reviewed by Kaja Perina. Instead, their future will be filled with loneliness and alienation from others with no expectation of improvement. Do You Suffer From Cassandra Syndrome? - Sarah Cook Ruggera, LMFT Their lives seem directionless and they appear to drift along in life. Asperger's syndrome no longer exists as a discrete diagnosis. However, they need to realize that this is something they may not be able to get from their AS partner. What To Do About A Failing Autism Spectrum Disorder Marriage Often this gives others the impression that they lack emotion. Both partners must make a serious commitment to making the marriage work. Cassandra Syndrome is what a woman experiences after years of being married to a man with Asperger's. Cassandra Syndrome is also referred to as Ongoing Traumatic Relationship Syndrome or Affective . Persistent difficulty in communicating with, and relating to, other people. Lots of people dont pay much attention to whether people are listening to them, but that doesnt mean they have Aspergers. Liane Holliday Willey is an educator, author and speaker. Symptoms of Cassandra Syndrome may include: Craving for carbohydrates and sweet foods Decreased interest in sex and physical contact Desire to oversleep and difficulty staying awake Disturbed sleep and early morning wakening Domestic abuse (emotional and/or physical) Extremes of mood and short periods of hypomania (over activity) Fatigue They dont gain a great deal of happiness from getting close to people. For the NT, shift your focus from what you are not getting from your AS partner to see and value the strengths he or she brings to the relationship. Again, screening questionnaires are designed to identify potential cases of Aspergers syndrome but they are not a substitute for a thorough diagnostic assessment. Little or too much detail is included in conversation, and there is difficulty in recognizing when the listener is interested or bored. They frequently lack empathy and tend to be callous, cynical and contemptuous of the feelings, rights and suffering of others. As long as the public and Medicine's awareness of What is also necessary are skills in communication, handling conflict, showing empathy, compromising, and providing nurturance and comfort. Individuals with Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD) disregard and violate the rights of others. 1 The results might suggest that it makes sense to investigate further if enough criteria are present to indicate a diagnosis of Aspergers. They find it hard to interpret the meanings of facial expressions and body posture, and they have particular difficulty understanding how people express their emotions. These skills require hard work and dedication in most marriages and even more so in an. Why go through with it if there is no good reason to assume there might be some likelihood of finding the behaviors and signs of Aspergers? Syndrome/Cassandra Phenomenon aka OTRS/CP. ASPIRES is an e-mail subscription list for individuals with AS, and those who have a parent, spouse, or child with AS. That is not an insurmountable problem. Once both spouses accept this fact, a major barrier to change disappears. (I think he's graduated by now). The first meeting covers general facts about the person, particular those relating to his or her present life. Feelings of guilt. The most basic elements of speaking and hearing are the most important issues that AS-NT couples may have. Cassandra Phenomenon: cassandra_girl LiveJournal Common symptoms of Asperger's that may impact social interaction or communication include: Problems making or maintaining friendships Isolation or minimal interaction in social situations Poor. Interpreting non-verbal signals, the core of all communication, for example, is something that the AS individual will always have a lot of difficulty doing. Adults with Aspergers, on the other hand, dont necessarily lack self-confidence or are afraid of being rejected, they are simply not able to pick up on social cues. Step 3: Both partners must make a serious commitment to making the relationship work. While it is not legally acceptable to do so, we know that silent discrimination happens, hiring decisions are not always made public and competition can leave someone with a different profile out of the picture. It advocates for discrimination against autistic people in custody cases, and its members seem to believe that autistic people should not be allowed to have families at all. Some people spend hours washing themselves or cleaning their surroundings in order to reduce their fear that germs, dirt or chemicals will infect them. With the knowledge that one has Aspergers, joining a support group, locally or through the Internet can provide a sense of belonging to a distinct and valued culture and enable the person to consult members of the group for advice and support.
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