I have never been a man so I cannot empathize with a man. These promises went on for three years and sex dwindled to once a week, once a month then stopped altogether. I like cuddling. Yeah. I read the frustration and despair in your story and I thank you for being willing to share it here. Men with low sex drive try lifting free weights in a gym. I can live with that, but I can not live with never being touched or made love to ever again. If given the opportunity I would be all over inside and outside the house, flirting and not taking my hand off that booty. Its always whatever you want then she lays there kind of tense. It wont fix the sexless marriage. I know this because that is what I do, but I have never been more unhappy in my life. I am desperate. Well said my friend. 2 children later sex was still fun. If you have always been the one to initiate intimacy in your relationship, take a step back and tell her how sexy you think it would be for her to be the one to reach out. Im mid 50s married man who has ED and low T. I have always had a lower desire. Add Cialis if you want solid tree trunk hardness. Lately it seems that after giving her oral sex my wife just wants me to hurry up and orgasm with intercourse. We are both active and healthy. Perhaps, some counseling might even help. Advice | Ask Damon: My wife doesn't want to have sex anymore Dang! Does your wife deal with mental health struggles or clinical depression? Dont know what todo he wont talk about his Its just torturing me for no reason. She needs you to see the world from her eyes and to understand her perspective. I am talking about virtual reality and toys for Men like the flesh light, that can at least make the situation bearable. I said well, (while pointing to my head) by the time you heal I will have checked out up here, I will be looking at women and wondering if they would be fun to be with. I wish she would just go away and never come back, shes got just about everything I own. Is it honestly your right to be given sex however your wife can give it? She started the menopause change about 3 years ago, however sex prior to that was maybe every few months for probably 7 years. Shortly after, our daughter in law and our granddaughters moved out of state. I heard my uncles talk about sex like it was something from their youth that has long gone. My husband will not have sex with me anymore. My nephews, 1x/month on average, so I dont over do with outside the marriage things at all nor overspend, AT ALL. Feel like I have him a lifetime!!! Loved and desired! U have no choice but to leave!!! Who risks? Once you restore an emotional connection, your physical one is sure to follow. Theres always a lot going on in the Senior Planet universe. I cook and currently renovating the home again only to hear Thats great, Now what about the bedroom?. I always talk to her and ask what turns her on. So selfish and controlling . I am 79 and my wife is 75 and our sex life is as good as ever. I think in many cases a therapist is in order but if only one party wants this and the other refuses to address the problem or go to a therapist, then the stalemate will undoubtedly continue unabated until well, divorce or death, whichever comes first! My wife and my sex life was pretty damn good before she developed breast cancer and had a double mastectomy, even though she went through early menopause (in her 40s). Ive moved on!!! I cant believe I will be in this misery for the remainder of my life and I am only 55. If thats the case, try to build a successful relationship after cheating; own up to your mistakes, have a heart-to-heart conversation with her and assure her that its all in the past. Your stereotypes are both incorrect AND insulting. You need to talk to her and get to the root of whats causing her panic and anxiety whenever she gets close to you; when she feels comfortable and that whatever major issue there is, gets resolved, maybe your sex life will return. Your children can/will respect only what they see and experience. If divorce is not an option then get involved outside the home. I had to fend for myself, and I could have done that before we were married. For a short time shed schedule sex once a week whether or not she felt like itbut then menopause hit and sex dwindled again, diminishing to once or twice a year until we stopped having sex altogether. Id rather die than lose him. In this new gynocentric west, the only answer is to find non-western women or women who were not raised in the west. How about just being happy with love and affection? I dont know why your husband would even want to be intimate with you, you sound like a harpy. Sadly so, leave! The scenario you posited is anything but. Hello Mary I can imagine how frustrating it it is for you.I am 65 years old and my wife is 64.My wife is on anti-depressants and she says that she has no desire for sex We have been married for 44 years now.I last had sex about 8 years ago My wife is a very beautiful woman and I am absolutely so frustrated and find that looking at porn and mastubating is not ideal anymore, What I need is a woman, but I am afraid to approach another woman for sex for the fear of rejection, I do not want to have sex with a prostitute. Im 57 and my husband is 56 years old. BIG ZERO, NADA FOR 18 MONTHS NOW! What do you think a man can do and should do in these cases ??? When he gets it, his wife & children are covered in security & abundance. We do love each other though. I met a man at work a while back, he was attracted to me, he was in a sexless marriage (so he said). Its been a lonely and humiliating experience. Without going into details - I am 100% certain that it was satisfying for both of us. That leads to no communication and uselessness. Just because one grows older doesnt mean that sex is over. The one thing she always wants when she touches me is that I come on her tits.which I love. Yeah. After everything a woman does in one day compare to what most lazy men would say. I think it was a relief for him because he was not much into sex. OATS and Senior Planet are charitable affiliates of AARP: | Terms of Service | Privacy Policy. Its not all about sex its about intimacy, and that is missing. I cant imagine a marriage/partnership where that wasnt the case. Be grateful you were able to find someone in life to love and be loved by, many of us take this for granted not realizing how many lonely people there are out there who were never as lucky as we have been. It is a precursor and will stimulate the Adrenal glands to produce more testosterone. She had a hysterectomy years ago do to cancer concerns, about 5 years ago she had a stroke like episode but there where no signs of actual stroke damage and she had started botox/steroid therapy in her spinal column for pain issues so there is suspicion that caused it, but because of a possible stroke they wont give estrogen. Look, not to give your hubby a pass here, but please, understand that most men in our country, we who were raised in the 50s. I dont know what to do! We have been together since the 80s and there is No ONE else I want to be with. ( I told him about the job opening). I had a client recently who was so angry at her spouse, she said she didnt want to have any physical intimacy with her husband, If he wants to get divorced, let him get divorced, she said. You talk about your wife not being in the mood. Thats an elusive state when were not driven by our hormones. Ive tried everything I can think of but Ive given up. No intimacy!!! In fact, I recently read that most sexless marriages are due to lack of desire in the men. That never goes away for most women or men. In the room. Her duty? When the support isnt there, the emotional intimacy and the physical intimacy are going to suffer. Underlying medical problems Ive been humiliated, rejected and told you can have love without sex, because, after all, cripples cant have sex but they still have love. Im leaving when I can stash away the cash. She is against the idea of therapy. My wife and I hadnt had sex for more than a year. Been sleeping in separate beds since surgery. Women provide fertility, nurturing, and resourcefulness. Thanks for pointing out that marriage therapy can also help with problems about having a sexless marriage. You can stay in the loop about her latest programs, gatherings, and other projects through her newsletter: kellygonsalves.com/newsletter. Make time when you are both relaxed. Hes had issues with porn for a long time. Hopefully I will die and be out of this misery. may have led to years of unsatisfying sex, and the longer youre together, the more nervous she may be to bring it up. I understand, Im in the same position, although not as long of a time period without sex. What to about it: Learn how to make a woman have an orgasm and how to make sex better for women. It's not about love - you love him, no question. The first step is to communicate with your partner about what you think you might be lacking. She has absolutely no interest in it. And lots of different health issues and life circumstances can affect your hormones, as can taking hormonal birth control (i.e., the pill). Thank you Jeff! If you think your wife avoids intimacy because of an underlying condition, its best to seek medical help at the earliest. Below are a few potential reasons that might explain why your wife is not interested in you sexually. Susan, I have one word for you intimacy and all the other women that do not understand the difference between intimacy and sex. Blah blah blah. We cant really talk about it because the very subject causes her great depression because she feels like its all her fault and that she is failure as a lover. Now that I am 62 years old I can say his description of what happens is spot on. Help out around the house and stop making your wife do everything. Its important to understand the difference between spontaneous desire and responsive desire. They think they do, Men expect women to get hormone therapy to fix the hormone problem. So when your wife seems to frequently push you away and demonstrates through her words or actions that she has no interest in making love with you, this behavior is usually caused by a one or more triggering events. So, your wife has told you that her ex didn't treat her that well, yet she chased him. . She doesnt even let me see her naked. He is a selfish person he is only thinking of himself. Thank goodness we get along well in every other area, however Im at a loss. But how does that viewpoint help you find happiness in life? There are many causes, physical and emotional, why your wife wont have sex with you anymore. She has very little interest in penetration. Behind heart broken!!! You can usually put these triggering events into two main categories. Hes no longer a sexy looking man, doesnt care about trying to make himself better, I still fight to try to look really good, no matter how I feel. When your wife avoids physical contact, it could be because of resentment, 13. Does your wife feel seen and heard in the relationship, or is she never in the mood because she usually feels overlooked? Shes always saying how bad she feels about it but but never offers to do anything. I suppose that his stomach, which is huge, the fact that he cant really get hard, and the fact that sex takes forever are some of the reasons why I no longer want to have sex. Now Im in my mid-50s, but have no problems whatsoever getting primed for sex. Don't Touch MeI'm Your Wife! | Psychology Today No doubt youre frustrated. It also says that we are to make our bodies our patents, not ours. He keeps saying hell do better, but nothing ever happens! I hate her for cheating me out of sex. Work and motherhood can be overwhelming, so instead of asking her for sex at the end of the day when youre both exhausted, start planning for it. Like, whats wrong with me? Tried all the hormones, the therapy, the talks, and yes, even the threats of stepping out if things dont improve. If your spouse has been going through such a patch, you must be a supportive husband post-pregnancy. He never smiles? Unfortunately, Buck Necked is correct. Our marriage still isnt consummated, and this grieves me as I yearn to be loved in this way. I dont clean enough, cook enough, keep on top of appointments, follow his assignments since youre retired now, you can do and I get assignments. A person wants to, and intends to, stay faithful to their spouse in a sexless marriage and be a good Catholic at the same time is faced with, what seems to me, a no win situation. Masturbation in the case of a marriage where one party is no longer interested in having sex and actively resists any overtures along those lines would seem to be the logical course of action. Only your wife herself can tell you the exact reason why she's not interested in having sex with you. . I said I am a human male and I have basic needs. That way both of our sex drive would be fairly low Im a good looking hard-working big hearted man and I immediately told her you better well I dont wanna hurt you. I was her first love. Cheers Rl. Cheating just isnt in me. Im considering leaving altogether and realize it will put a financial strain on both of us although we have significant cash equity in our home which can make it much easier in retirement. (d.head || d.body).appendChild(s); I tried to think that it was OK, I still had company and friendship. Once the children appeared on the scene I would never have done anything that would risk us splitting up. I didnt either with my late husband Too much cheating etc. At 78 and after 47 years of marriage I kind of resigned myself to a sexless marriage.My rabbi was married over 55 years and said he had 4 good years sohe was not complaining.He also said over 90 percent of members of the congregation were miserable in their marriages.I guess he and I. Hello Dave, I said no. And I am one of those. A little over 43 without sex, or dealing with her, I do my own thing and dont really care what she does. Women want to be swept off their feet. Unfortunately the one thing that was supposed to save civilization was the internet. There's nothing wrong with the lower-libido partnerthey simply just don't want sex as often as the other person. Plus why would you want to have sex with someone who isnt interested? Let them know how their refusal to engage with you sexually has affected you emotionally, physically, mentally and pyschologically. Are you crazy? I finally asked him he said I was crab and mad all the time, I have a lot of pain and take a lot of meds sometime, and yes I am very unhappy with my life, but I try to hid it. But each night i rub her feet and tickle her thighs..she just lays there ..and I go out and sleep in a recliner. I *must* woo my wife, always. My doctor keeps a close eye on me too. I love him and am a bad lier, so using masturbation as a release. I understand that kids, work, and home projects can weaken your romantic side over time, but it doesnt have to be that way. messages where she was being flirtatious to a local musician . In such a case, it could be the reason why your wife avoids intimacy. Im 87 years young and my vibrator is busy. But unfortunately I do feel that it is my fault I just wish I knew what and that I could make it better. Here's her full guide to overcoming the sexual avoidance cycle, plus how to support a lower-libido partner. 24 years younger than I. All he needs is that wonderful little blue pill. I am at my wits end. We could be spontaneous. Why would he ever have too? Fundamentally, it comes down to 3 choices: leave, cheat, or suffer. We were easy pickings since that biological clock was ticking louder and she still hadnt landed Chad. Shes sorry, but I love her and say its ok. For women its submitting to the protector of her choosing and bearing only his children. Every month in Sex at Our Age, award-winning senior sexpert Joan Price answers your questions about everything from loss of desire to solo sex and partner issues. Hope now your problem will be solved. Nathan I am in exactly the same position as you. You have no idea how ignorant your statement is. Yes it seems so mechanical and cut and dry the way some men are, so no sex is much more appealing. I also went down on her regularly, and now she doesnt even want me to try. You have grown as a human being . You cant really blame her, can you? I was already starting to think that I was a man born in a womans body!!! I am 55, my husband is 59. This can be difficult since, statistically, couples are not as willing to talk about sexual matters the same way they would other conflicts, such as children or finances. Take stock of all the good things you still have in your relationship that you might not find again. Married 10 years!!!! Every time he gets mad he threatens to move out. If you two feel more like roommates than romantic partners, sex may just feel awkward or unappealing. What should the husband do. I end up feeling bad about this as I think I should not be obsessing about it as she often says. 30 years in sexless marriage. I love him and still desire him (even though he lost his hair and gained a gut!!) She saw her doctor and prescribed a lube but it irritated her. All I can say that my sexual desire was immediately and irreversibly shut off like a light switch. Ever again. You have made a commitment to one another to do more than go through the daily grind or process of pretending to have a mutual satisfying relationship when in fact, you are simply roommates! She even went from sleeping naked in bed to full pajamas and on the rare occsion she would have sex to me, remove only her panties like a robot. That was the best written, most solid commentary on this subject Ive ever read. has he? Menopause can affect a woman's sexual functioning2 and overall interest in sex. My beliefs are that I cannot step outside my marriage and commitment and it cost me some very good relationships with other women. I domt have to put up with that. who cares any more if your in a sexless marriage! In the end, she doesnt want it and I have stopped caring. First few years sex was great. only will your wife not want to touch you, but you probably wont want her to anymore. Particularly in marriages between men and women, women still do the vast majority of household labor and childcare, even when both partners are spending an equal number of hours at work. Almost all new moms experience what is medically described as the baby blues a sudden feeling of sadness after giving birth, coupled with mood swings and irritability, among other symptoms. well she decided we will not have sex, and to top it off, she has panic if she touches me and me touching her. . She understands that its hard for me, but we both dont know what to do about the situation. Ive been married three times and my third wife is the number one compared to the first three. 20yrs old. . No one is talking about wives whose husbands are the one that doesnt want sex. I have always been an affectionate person and have given affection but not received in return for at least a year. Couples can even have a thriving sex life during their 40s, if they wish to do so. Hormonal therapy can give you cancer, stroke. Most men do their deed and roll over. Once youre accustomed to porn, youve trained your brain to need it. My Wife Doesn't Want Me to Touch Her Anymore - Goodguys2Greatmen Sure. Says I dont turn him on Im to fat. Its is not your role. My current wife was 49 and I was 54 when we met and sex was twice a day for over a year, When she proposed to me, I raesoned that she was a good friend and sex was more then satisfactory, so I accepted. This is not rocket science, bro. Now, for the past several months, we go to bed together and after I have fallen asleep, he starts masterbating and the shaking of the bed awakens me. Given the fact that 34%, (some studies say as high as 40%) of women and 15% of men dont like/want sex, is it any wonder that 50% of marriages end in divorce? Why, in a relationship, is Sex so bloody important? I dont understand. Can we please talk about how we each feel about sex in our relationship? What played in husband mind is that the wife do not care, do not want to have relationship, intimacy etc. The sex was great but found I was working most years 2 jobs, supporting the house hold 3 kids. Don't Touch MeI'm Your Wife! | Psychology Today Come to find out my wife was getting hers on the side. I want to separate from my wife of 49 years. No one wants to talk about it. I cant believe a respected Sex Therapist has Keep Masturbating as an answer. Talk with your husband about sexual fantasies he has or things he may want to try in the bedroom. In fact, I dont even feel were friends at this point, as we rarely speak to one another (unless I initiate a conversation) and whenever I try and initiate any affection or even merely suggest sex, he bristles, becomes hostile and defensive and thats that. 60s, 70s. I feel I am too old to move on by myself, most everything in our relationship is good, but sex is very bad. If you have to ask whats so I important about having sex, you must be doing it wrong. I am 52, married for 25yrs and sex has dwindled down to once every year or two. Some get away with a happy one. I quit sex because I didnt want to put with name calling and her being boring. Open a conversation with your wife about how she's feeling about you and the marriage, big picture, and go from there. Maddening! He is absolutely wonderful father and husband. None of us know how to read, converse or think. For me my wife has me feeling guilty and hesitant and re framing from touching her in any way. Im over 60 and Im learning to accept this is the way life is going to be for the rest of my life. Sounds to me like youve picking your men from the bar. Youre the only one here who gets the dynamic. You need to find a woman who respects you and wants to be intimate with you on a consistent basis. We havent had sex in months. Reality, we can go easy one yr without sex, he doesnt touch me,nada! Share your feelings with your wife openly, honestly, and vulnerably without expecting it to lead to something physical. He got the pill from the dr, but with his weight and age, I was just too scared for him to try it. She even said to me that I should leave if I am not happy, she prefers that I do not, but basically what she is saying is that if I want to stay, this is the way its going to be. Ive read about vaginal atrophy and would guess she has it. Wife Doesn't Want You To Touch Her? (Understand its Meaning) If done with the full knowledge of both partners, and always using safe sex, this would provide another solution to their dilemma. Feeling like my wife never initiates intimacy is incredibly frustrating. 13 Reasons Your Wife Isn't Interested In Sex & What To Do - mindbodygreen We tried and tried to get them to call us but their mother has convinced them that I am to blame for our sons death.